Babywearing: my view.

My wife and I are coordinating posts today.  Babywearing is an important topic and deserves more than a five minute "fashion" segment on the Today show that lacked substance and was dangerously irresponsible in it's paucity of information.   Rarely do I ask people to pass on a blog, but please, if you find anything below helpful, pass it along! 

My wife's blog is much more reasoned.  As usual, mine is a bit more bombastic.

Babywearing.  If you watch the Today Show you are now probably of a mind that baby's should never be worn for the first four months or they will suffocate and die.  You are also perfectly up to date on the most fashion forward way to coordinate your baby sling with your outfit! 

Babywearing is more than a way to keep your hands unburdened with your child.  It's not about you.  It's actually about your child... who is not a burden.

Dr. William Sears, noted pediatrician and author of the Sears Parenting Library, includes babywearing in his seven B's of attachement parenting.  You can find a month's worth of reading on the subject at http://www.askdrsears.com.

This is a serious subject and the viewing public would be better served with some information.  Rather than an editor from iVillage.com who comes on with a string of models, why not bring in a babywearing instructor from one of the local shops to demonstrate the best and safest ways to wear your baby.

I'm sorry, but a sales associate at Buy Buy Baby or Babies R'Us is not going to know the ins and outs of every carrier and, as their selection of carriers shows, that's certainly something they don't specialize in.  On our last trip to one of the big baby stores, I counted nearly 150 different strollers ranging in price from $30 to the pimped out Stokke at $1000.  There were five baby carriers.  They were all of the low bag sling type, exactly like the Infantino that was recalled. 

These bag slings ARE dangerous to young babies.  It's true they do not have the head support they need and can suffocate.  While these slings have a serious design flaw, as a parent you should be constantly in connection with your newborn.  Putting them in a sling is not an out of sight out of mind exercise.  There's no excuse for that.

But rather than copping out and advising you to never carry your baby, maybe they could tackle why these are unsafe and what kinds of carriers are safe for your baby and best for you - at all ages.

When the sling controversy first occurred, my wife and I were understandably upset.  We had been given slings as gifts and were anxious to use them.  They were low slings, though and we were unsure of their safety with a newborn.

A good sling should be worn high with a newborn and proper positioning is key.  But how?

I did a google search.  It took me five minutes to find the following and it gave me more information in less time than the entire Today Show segment.

A google search!  It's like iVillage and the Today show researched this by going through a catelogue.

Having worked ever so briefly in tv, I know how partnerships and branding work.  Bring out parents with kids in carriers, focus on the logo of the product.  We needed more.

Now, don't get me wrong, the slings they brought out were great!  I love the moby wrap.  We were persuaded to avoid it only because it is summer and 12 feet of fabric wrapped around you in August in New York City is... well... I'd rather be hit by a bus.

Full Disclosure:

We have a Baby Bjorn - it was a gift and we have not used it because it does not support his head as a newborn and he has to be old enough, or big enough, to put his feet out.   He will be soon.

We purchased the Mei Tai carrier that allowed us to carry him as a newborn.  It's almost like a kangaroo pouch, which is an entire parenting style - Kangarooing!  It promotes skin to skin contact with your baby, especially preemies.  My little man was born three weeks early and while technically not a preemie, he was darned close.  I can and have put him into the Mei Tai and we've walked around skin to skin.  His head is supported, he's in a position where his head is directly under mine and I am fully aware of his positioning at all times.  (I should add that he is with his mother, this morning, nursing in his Mei Tai.)

It's very similar to the Boba they showed on the segment but without all the bells an whistles and clasps and clamps and hooks and things...  It's just fabric that you tie. 

We also have the smaller version of the Kelty they had on the segment, the Kelty TC-2.0... TC as in Toddler Carrier.  The Today Show listed it as being usable "up to 50 pounds."  That's dangerously wrong. The instructions for the carrier specifically say, "warning!  do not use carrier with an infant weighing less than 16 pounds." 

We can't put him in it yet, however in about a year, look out... we'll be trekking in it everywhere.  (Thanks Justin and Lindsay!)

So, yes, we have some of the carriers they showed, but the point isn't the carrier - it's how you use them!   Let people know that they are safe for all babies.  Teach them.  How do you put the baby in there?  What's the safest way to carry them?  Where can I find resources like free babywearing classes? 

And stop spreading misinformation!

Almost all these infants were facing out in their carriers.  You can't carry them facing out until they have complete control of their heads and that may not happen until four to six months! 

In fact, every baby they showed on the Today Show was around 6 months or older.  Babies do not show up at your doorstep six months in.

Any bets out there on how many new parents are going to try putting their babies in one of these carriers that they rushed out and bought on the internet with no idea what they're doing - and put them in there facing out?  Any takers?

And it's not new parents' fault.  According to author Michael Levine."Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." 

It's true.  You have to have a liscence to drive, but not to have a child.

We want - we need - information.  

It does nothing for the public good to have a parade of babies in cool, hip carriers when you still have not shown people how to use them.

Information is power.  Right?  But we are utterly powerless when the places we trust to spread information, to spread news, fail us.

Seriously, all it took was a google search. 

This goes by far too fast.

My son is now going on nine weeks.  Nine weeks.  It's gone by so fast.  His tiny little fingers are now longer and thicker.  His toes that once looked like potato bugs are bigger.  His cries, once easy to interpret, are getting more complex and musical.

And I find myself not writing about it. 

There's so much to cover:

Can we give him formula to supplement without feeling guilty?  If so, is there a way to do it without the nasty poop? 

We're co-sleeping... we don't care what anyone says, it's easier on us and on him... but when is the best time to really start crib training him? 

Why does he always wake up three minutes after going into his crib? 

Yes, mobiles are a miracle.

A baby smiles around two months. 

And it's glorious.

Pee on the wall (and ceiling, and floor and strategically on our clothes) is preferable to poop blowouts.
Spit up and drool are easy to clean.  

Tracking feedings and diaper changes is a good thing.

Grandparents are too far away. 

A Mei Tai carrier is a godsend.

We have to take better care of ourselves.  And we have know what we are eating and where it comes from because it also goes into him and studies have shown an increase in autism, childhood obesity and diabetes that are linked to the food we find on the shelves of our grocery store.  Little things help, like eating locally and buying organic food... or what our parents and grandparents called "food."

Schedules are good.   And totally impossible to keep.

Restaurants are surprisingly kind and understanding with babies.  It is possible to go to all you can eat sushi with an infant.  Once he turns two or three... we'll see.

There's so much that one blog can't possibly hold it all. 

I always have said that my career is a marathon.  So is parenting.  We learn five new things about him every hour.  We have ten breakdowns a day.  And we're doing really well.  

Baseball

Tonight is the home opener for the New York Yankees.

Correction - the defending World Series Champion New York Yankees. 

I got an email from a friend offering me seats behind home plate for $100.

I turned them down and I realize the money is not the only reason.  It's true, $100 can buy a lot of diapers, but the experience would be entirely worth it.

No, that's not the only reason.

I'd really like to get home to see my boy.

I'd also like to get home to give my wife a break.  (Not that she needs or wants one.)

For as much as I'd love to go the game, I feel like I miss a lot while I'm away.  He changes so quickly right now.  I looked at photos and realized that he's already grown a great deal.  It's quite striking.

And I only want to go to the game with him.

I know, I know, he's only four weeks old.  But I looked at a photo of my friend with his baby at the Padres opening day and I want to do that.  I want him with me.  Even if he doesn't get it, doesn't know that he's somewhere special or that there is an event happening before him that makes our summer, I want him there.  Eventually he'll get it.  Eventually he'll know that Yankee Stadium is a special place.  That going to Rockies games with Grandma and Grandpa in Denver is a treat.  He'll crave the sounds of the park and a $10 hot dog.  (It is still Yankee Stadium.  They have to cover that ridiculous payroll somehow.)

Someone asked me why I'm a Yankee fan.  I'm not from New York originally, I didn't grow up in a baseball family.  I have no ties to the team.

My answer is always the same.  Lou Gehrig.  If you've never seen Pride of the Yankees, rent it.  Go to Netflix and stream it.  As a child Lou Gehrig, was my hero because of that movie.

Okay, Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig...

Lou still stands out as the model for a perfect ball player, and a near perfect man.  So when I think of the Yankees I think of a line of great players and noble gentlemen from Lou to DiMaggio to Mantle to Mattingly to Jeter.    Recently I read an interview with Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens and he mentioned that he saw the 1932 World Series game in which Babe Ruth "called" his home run.  Lou came up to bat directly after Ruth and hit one of his own.

My first reaction was, "You got to see Lou play."

When I'm that age, I'm sure someone will remark, "You got to see Jeter play."

Yes I did.  With my son in his Derek Jeter t-shirt and Yankee hat.  Both of which he already has...  at four weeks old.

Explosive Poop!

In the middle of a diaper change, my wife was startled by a loud, "Ah, shit!"

It was me.

My son has, twice, had explosive poop episodes while I'm changing his diaper. 

It's not gross.  It's not strange.  Babies do little else.  They eat, they poop and they sleep.  We are armed with a stack of wash-cloths...  btw... new parents - think back to what people did before wet wipes.  Yeah.  A warm wet towel.  Your baby hates nothing more that an ice cold wet wipe on his/her ass.  And if you wasted money on a wet wipe "warmer"...  get off this blog.  I mean it.  Go.  No soup for you.  Get a few cheap washcloths (Ikea: 12 for $2) get warm, warm water - and wipe your babies bum.  Save a grundle of money.  How much is a grundle?  No idea, but it's a lot.  Save the wet wipes for the diaper bag.

Back to explosive poo.

Babies have a gastro-colic reflex.  It's what makes babies eat and poop simultaneously.  Thankfully, we outgrow this. 

Well, some of us outgrow it. 

So, he poops.  He doesn't necessarily wait to do it when the diaper is on.  Sometimes he does it on the changing table while dad yells out, "Ah, shit." 

But it's good poop. 

Good poop has been described as mustardy yellow - yellow/tan with hints of green... and seedy.

His has been a brilliant mustardy yellow.  And seedy.

Which leaves me one question - one that is "Ah, shit" worthy:  Since he's on a breast milk/formula liquid diet... where do the seeds come from?

38

Yeah.  38.  An obviously blind young woman who does know me actually thought I was 30.  I asked her if she really didn't see all my gray hair.

I'm hoping this child keeps me young.  I certainly don't feel 38.  In fact I do feel 30.

Is it clean living?  I don't know.  I spent a few years in my twenties abusing my body in so many ways.  It can't be "clean living." 

My body is like a roller coaster.  I've been a whopping 215lbs and then in a short three months dropped to a cut 175.  Within six months I'm back at a very puffy but strong 195, then skinny and a little soft and 180 pounds.  Why? Who knows.  Lately I've been sporting the slight pooch.  I'm back to working on it, kettlebell in hand, but it just happens.

So, it's certainly not anything to do with how I treat my body.

I would also venture a guess that my youthfulness has nothing to do with what I eat.  I do have a fairly firm rule that we only eat real food.  Nothing processed with stuff we can't pronounce.  Which is good.  But I can sum up my food philosophy in one fattening word:  butter.

So, it's not diet that keeps me perpetually 30.

I'm a bit of an insomniac, although that's working with the little one.

I don't smoke, so there's that.

I don't drink a lot and have not since I was about 22.  So that's good.

I don't drive but once every couple months, so there goes stress from road rage... but I do have to navigate the streets of the most stressful city in the country, so that might be even.

Maybe it's that I'm still just a kid.  I'm the oldest of three kids, but I maybe the youngest soul.

My occupation is to create plays. The word "play" is an integral part of what I do.  I play for a living.  So that must have something to do with it.

I can only hope that it lasts.  I can only hope that I can keep my youthful exuberance until he goes off to college.

And I have to keep working on other things, too...  I have to keep the knees healthy so I can get into a squat to catch for him as his Uncle Justin teaches him how to pitch.  I have to keep my back strong I can teach him how to post up and track rebounds.  I have to keep my heart healthy so I can keep up with him when Uncle Adam has him cross courting tennis balls at me.

And I have to keep myself from settling into the "adult" role too much, so I can dream with him, imagine with him and be open to play whenever the urge grabs us.

I only hope when I'm almost 56 and he goes off to college that I might look, and feel, around 45.

There's something to be said for having kids early.  You get to grow up with them. But having them later has it's blessings, too.  We feel ready, secure and surprisingly youthful.

lesson: Keep your eyes and ears open

There are a lot of things I want to teach my boy.  This is of them.  Keep your eyes and ears open!

I walked across Seventh Ave today, sans headphones.  I try not to wear them on my commute, unless I'm trying to drown something out.  I was privy to the best train conductor in the city on the V train today who is as entertaining as he is informative.  It's a treat to get on his train, so I was feeling particularly upbeat.

As I'm cruising across the street, taking it in, carrying my weekly latte (the coffee here at Le Showtime is horrid...) I step off the curb and I notice a lovely young woman so engrossed in her text-ing that she is completely oblivious to everything happening around her; traffic, other pedestrians zipping around her, a firetruck turning the corner... everything.

Nothing is so important.  No conversation is that important.

If it is... STOP.  Have the conversation.  Then move on.

The bubble of oblivion she'd created around herself cut her off from any interaction with another human being.

She probably got to work and immediately slipped into her cubicle and continued texting or im'd her bff about how she just couldn't seem to meet the right guy  OMG.  LMAO...  LOL.

Hello!  Look up!  He might be right in front of you!

I find myself running into friends on the street all the time.  We notice each other from up the street because we're active participants in the moment we're in. 

I've also heard from friends who say, "I was just there!  Why didn't I see you?"

"Were you on the phone/texting/im-ing?"

"Yeah."

"That would be why."

So keep your eyes and ears open.

One week

I have been a father for one week. 

It seems like longer.  Seems like I've been doing it all my life.  Holding him is one of the great joys of my life.  He opened his eyes within the first hour, really opened his eyes and took in the world.  I'm amazed at how alert he is already. 

We are in the middle of a little experiment.  Since Angie is on maternity leave and her mother is here to help out, I went right back to work this week.  We thought it would be helpful for me to know what she's going to go through when she goes back to work and I stay at home with him.  My boss told me it was quite enlightened of us. 

Something odd happened this morning on the way to work.  As I walked to work today I realized how much I enjoy mornings in New York.  I stopped and grabbed a coffee, walking with the early morning work crowd on this crisp sun soaked spring morning and wondered how my days would soon change.  No more solo walks through midtown, skyscrapers towering over me.  Soon it will be me and a little one, bottle feedings, into the stroller and maybe heading to a cafe to write while he sleeps in his carrier.  All very suburban in our little enclave in Queens.  It's going to be a big change.  This little role reversal will make me appreciate these mornings but having had them, I can't wait to start spending my mornings with my little man.